‘I went to the bathroom and locked myself there. As soon as I closed the door, tears kept streaming down my face. I cried so hard, I kept holding them for too long and now I can’t seem to stop it.’
I asked myself, why’d I choose to be a mom when everything was so hard and damn painful. I wanted to asked myself again, Is this the life that I wanted?.
I missed having enough sleep. I missed having to pamper myself. I missed going out alone. I missed combing my hair, wearing make up and going window shopping. I missed sitting for so long or lying down so long and not doing anything.I missed watching cinemas, eating with hubby or even lying beside him with just the two of us in our own world. I want a piece of mind. I want everything that I have back then. I want it that it brought me pain just even imagining the life I had before.
I feel losyang! I feel ugly by not having enough time to fix myself! I feel depressed most of the time just by realizing the things i had to do! I had given up my teen life, for what?
I have to wake up early and stay up late. I have to washed baby’s clothes which is a big pile to be exact. I have to washed bottles. I have to ensure healthy food and sanitize everything. I have to focus and stay focused and not left an eye on them. You know, they easily pick up something and eat it. Or maybe crawl or walk fast that they’ll hurt theirselves . They always cry!Believe me they always cry.
After the drama I had inside the bathroom, I wiped all those tears away and went to bed. I saw my baby , and I CRIED.
AGAIN I CRIED.
I cried so much that I kneeled down and covered my face.
I saw him laying in bed, sleeping peacefully with his hands laid like praying.
I cried because all those what if’s and regrets were nothing compared to what I have now.
I realized now why God made me a mother and why I chose this.
After all, I would never trade my baby to anything. God blessed me to have this one little angel and I now fully understand the reason why I decided to give up everything just to have this cherub beside me.
Being a mom is the most rewarding unpaid work.